The Crossroad

Something happened to me and at first it seemed like a curse. I noticed that I was learning faster and be able to see the patterns of the other people and the patterns of the algorithms. I several times asked myself if was blind all along -till now- or my brain out of nowhere has gained some abilities.

In many ways it's a curse as it seemed like I was loosing the humanly side of the conversation. Most of the times I was like a cold observer and whenever I caught the pattern I was saying myself "Here it comes again" and I started to observe that my feelings now were out of the way -not always but most of the time-. In a normal humanly conversation you want to be approved and you have to approve but an average human being does it automatically and feels fine as there is no analyzer in the way. When it came to me I noticed the moment I approve and the moment the other party wants to get approved.So it was like I was loosing my warmth becoming with a telescope sitting on a tower.

There were times when I was severely depressed whenever a got a rejection and mostly happy when I am approved and going back and forth from one edge to another but as I never analyzed and labeled the feelings I have never exactly known where the sadness comes from or why I was happy out of blue.

I told what happened to me to my husband but as he is an overly criticizing human being himself he ignored the information I gave but it was like he was also noticing the patterns and it seemed like we were teaching each other.

What happens when you observe the human beings as mere parrots? And you can never make them see that they are in the same old loops never ending always starts from the beginning which is for them a new beginning but Alas for me an approval of their patterns.

And of coarse I include myself as it's the most economic way for a brain to not to make new connections merely turning around the old ones like a road that has been passed many many times so there is no torn on the way.

But for some of the people this mechanical behavior has come to a point where the patterns had been extravasated and almost covering all over their behaviors, I was thinking to myself "Now they became the caricatures of themselves". Was I merely approving myself as I assumed I was getting more intelligent? Was I overly proud and belittling my human companionships? Because as I know myself the feeling of being superior, it makes you blind to your own deficiencies.

That was a debate in my mind and there was no way to look at it objectively and as all the human beings I too am always subjective about what I am.

And during my observations I observed myself and noticed how I liked to scroll endlessly as if I am going to get a mysterious information or a reward when it comes to an end. Of coarse there was no end, scrolling goes on forever and never ending somewhere. I think I assumed I would find the heaven but after all what I found was a mere hell for my very own being. So I quitted.

How would I know what was happening to me and the ones whom I am observing? Was I merely hallucinating? Was I losing my human feelings and becoming mechanized observer observing myself and the others? Where would I find the answer.

So I did the most ironic thing. That was a contradiction for my part but as I thought I had no other way to check myself I did what I had to and asked Gemini under strict prompts stating that the answer it gave me should be objective and only give me the datas I wanted if there is no data it can assume itself staying in objectivity.

My question was something like that "In the recent years it seems most of the people are losing their cognitive abilities and on the contrary a few of them are gaining their higher cognitive abilities? Is there any statistics regarding my above observations?"

And Gemini showed me some statistics and saying that while like %80 people are losing their abilities due to algorithms and short videos causing short attention time %20 of people were gaining abilities using the AI technology as a cognitive leverage.

So my thesis was somewhat true according to statistics. And of coarse my next question was that "Are these people with high cognition getting isolated from the people" and Gemini answered that it was a natural consequence and it used the exact term I used saying the people were using their most rooted patterns more and more as they were not asking themselves if how they are behaving was logical and out of the anxiety of the new world they cannot understand they became cognitively preservative becoming mere caricatures of their old selves.

I asked another questions whether there was such a big gap between highly cognitive and less cognitive people. Gemini said no. Even there was a cast system and the rich people were more intellectual common people were creating their own songs their own folklore and their own stories. It's the biggest gap history has ever seen Gemini answered. So we are in the crossroads maybe the most important time of the history has come, we will follow different roads, one of them is very large while the other one is very very narrow.

How to navigate in this world yet I have no compass nor a hand to show me the right way. As I entered it recently I am only trying my best to understand this new world I am in or rather it's better saying my new so called abilities if they are abilities at all.

I am asking myself if I am losing my compassion my love to the people I know, this is a burning question in my heart. I believe not; not because I want to believe but because I have proof regarding my humanly feelings.

On Sunday early in the morning I went to market to buy some groceries. There were some people and as usual I observe them observing myself too I asked myself why I was jealous of the seemingly content people, to this question I don't know the answer yet. But something happened. An old lady was smiling like out of nowhere and she was a sweet open lady. And the cashier girl was talking with her wanting her by her side all day so she would stay happy. And the lady asked " What is this thing that gives warmth and light to everyone yet never helping herself" and she answered to her own question "It's the Sun I suppose."

Yes it's the Sun. I felt like my question was answered, I should never stop giving warmth to people who is in need and I should never ever lose my compassion nor warmth as its the time that people need it most as they are lost just as I am lost, we are in different roads now and mine is a very narrow one yet I must proceed without loosing my conscious, my love my empathy. That's the only way and oh God help me.